so explain again why im purple
no
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
