i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
