Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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