Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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