I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
