Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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