god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My cat gives me a boner
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This toilet bowl is my home.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
