Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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