What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
