I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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