you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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