I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
