If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
