I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
