bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
zippers are such a cool invention
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
