You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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