I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
