we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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