Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
