If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
