Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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