Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
