I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
