if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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