from now on my penis is your penis
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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