I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
