Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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