I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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