with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
