so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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