I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
