Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
