I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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