I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
