I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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