I want to have your abortion
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
