nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
