ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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