like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
