She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
