Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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