Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
