I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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