i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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