but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
