I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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