I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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