Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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