i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
