it hurts more in the daytime
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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