I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
