apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
